Jokes

Ok, so every now and then you have to clean your computer screen. But, what about the inside of screen, how do you clean that ?? Fortunately, there is now a website that does this remotely at no cost to you. First, clean the outside of your screen and then click the link below to clean the inside. You have to do this, it's very helpful.

http://www.bassfiles.net/cleanscreen.swf

1..  Did You Know That? Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."
2.  Did you know that Colgate ! toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.
3.  Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.
4.  Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.
5.  Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.
6.  Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the product was never been advertised for this use.
7. Honey remedy for skin blemishes... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
8. Listerine therapy for toenail fungus... Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
9.  Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.!
10. Coca-Cola cure for rust... Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.
11. Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.
12. Smart splinter remover...just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.
13. Hunt's tomato paste boil cure...cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.
14. Balm for broken blisters...To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine... a powerful antiseptic.
15. Heinz vinegar to heal bruises... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.
16. Kills fleas instantly. Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas.
17. Rainy day cure for dog odor... Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
18. Eliminate ear mites... All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.
19. Quaker Oats for fast pain relief....It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

6.   7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
7.   315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8.   During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance.
9.   Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
10. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
11. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
12. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower', because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters. The proper term for upper case letters is "majuscule" and for lower case it's "minuscule".
13. There are four cars and eleven light posts on the back of a $10 dollar bill.
14. Scissors as we know them today were invented in Rome in about 100 AD
15. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and look like it is stinging itself to death. It spasms a lot. :)
16.Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves.
17. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's 'Born in the USA.'
19. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original Halloween was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
20. The first product Motorola developed was a record player for automobiles. At that time the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so       they called themselves Motorola.
21. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand. One should carry a stout pole while traveling in quicksand
country...when placed under one's back, it helps one to float out of the quicksand.
22. Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy on Scooby-Doo.
23.In Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than one hundred years before either moon was discovered.
24.Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
25. An old law in Bellingham, Wash., made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing. (?!)
26. Birds have the right of way on all Utah highways.
27. Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokes model.
28. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
29. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
30. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
31. The original Winnie the Pooh was a real live bear found outside of Winnipeg, Canada, hence the name Winnie.
32. Francis Bacon died in his attempt to find a better way to serve food. He caught a case of pneumonia while attempting to stuff a chicken with snow.
Ironically, the chicken survived the ordeal.
33. Dachshunds were originally bred in 1600 to hunt dachs, which is German for badgers. (Historically speaking, 1600 was a slow year.)
34. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
35. No piece of paper can be folded in half consecutively more than 7 times (doubling factor... you end up folding 27 == 128 sheets of paper).
36. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
37. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
38. A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
39. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
40. Apples are more efficient than caffeine in waking you up in the morning. (Go figure.)
41. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. (Hmm, wonder why.)
42. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
43. Michael Jordan made more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
44. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
45. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
46. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
47.The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
48. There are more chickens than people in the world.
49. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
50. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
51. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
52. 47.2% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
53. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula."
54. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
55. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
56. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
57. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (As noted by a reader: "The reason a goldfish swims back and forth and back and forth across the fish bowl all day long everyday is because by the time it gets to one side of the bowl it forgets what's on the other side of the bowl. Every trip is a new
adventure! (Hey, I wonder what's over there!.... Hey! I wonder what's over THERE!)" :))
58. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
59. Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister.
60. The data track on a CD is a very long spiral. If it were unwound and laid out in a straight line, it would be over 3.5 miles long.
61. A shrimp's heart is in its head.
62. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do
so).
63. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
64. A pregnant goldfish is called a twerp.
65. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
66. "The sixth sick sheikh's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
67. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
68. The oldest standing building in Australia is Captain James Cook's house, brought over from England brick by brick. (Why?)
69. Paul McCartney's real first name is James - Paul is his middle name. Thus, all the Beatles (including Ringo, whose first name is Richard) were named after
kings.
70. Elephants are the only land mammals that can't jump.
71. Your foot is nearly the same length as your forearm as measured from the inside of the elbow to the wrist.

05/17/11